Parenting Realities Made on a Mountain
For starters, snowboarding is more than just a day on the mountain.
I started skiing around the age of 12 and by the time I hit college I was riding a snowboard. And that was a long time ago. Yesterday was my first day back on a snowboard in about 10 years and it felt good. Yesterday just happened to be my kids first day ever snowboarding as well and for them, it was a pretty serious resiliency check.
As a teacher for the last 20 years and a dad for the last 15 years, I noticed something happening to kids, including my own. They are less resilient and don’t like doing hard things. Now don’t get me wrong, my kids do hard things but they do hard things they are familiar with. They both participate in school sports like basketball, lacrosse, and cross-country running. I tried to tell them that snowboarding is going to be like running a 5K with no training and no way of really explaining how it is going to feel except that it is going to hurt a little and be uncomfortable. Learning to ski or snowboard is a try, try, try again type of activity. It is a test of resiliency. You literally have to pull yourself back up over and over again and keep going. And yesterday was a great test for all of us. They tested themselves and they also tested my patience for sure.
I realized one of the hardest jobs I am going to have to do is push my children and challenge them with hard things. Especially with things that are unknown and uncomfortable to them. Yesterday I woke them up early, slapped gear on them they never wore before, took them a mountain they have never been on before, and only told them how to ride a snowboard. The act of doing was their tough teacher. They for sure got beat up a little and fell many times. They were tired after three runs and looked a bit miserable. I could tell they just wanted to go home and back to their comfort zones after a few hours on the mountain. I totally understand that as humans we spend most of our lives searching for comfort. And comfort is good at times but too much comfort is a detriment to your mind and body. Yesterday showed me that I am going to have to motivate, lead by example, and definitely push my kids to do hard things. With the endless (and mindless) access to technology and comfort we all have these days, today’s kids (and adults) don’t know anything else but that. After all, the advancements made in society today to make things easier and more comfortable is not really our fault. It is just a sad byproduct of the world we live in today. A world that is becoming too comfortable.
Our trip to the mountain yesterday was an eye-opening experience for all of us but especially for me as their dad. In the end, I do think everyone enjoyed it and they did say they would go again. But in the moment, up on the mountain, they were tested and I was shocked and awakened. Our worlds are designed by our own doing. In our modern world and search for comfort, we find it very easy to hide behind our screens in our places of comfort. If we don’t like what we are seeing or hearing, we can close the video, watch another one, or delete it. The reality is, you can’t delete what the world is going to throw at you, and that is most assuredly going to be moments of discomfort and difficult situations.
Parents….keep doing hard things yourself. And keep making your kids do hard things right along side of you. Model the behavior you want them to see in times of difficulty and encourage your kids when they fail to try again. Let them see your failure but also let them see how you keep going. One of the biggest factors in child resiliency is independence…in other words, let your kids fail but encourage them to keep trying. Snowboarding was what was needed at this point in my parenting journey and in my kids teenage journeys into adulthood. They were shocked by the difficulty, shocked by my inability to help them get down the mountain besides offering my words and demonstrations, and learned that you have to not just be able to physically do things on your own but be able to mentally get yourself through tough situations.